i try so hard not to think i try so hard not to cry i try so hard to keep my faith my trust my hope
but sometimes its just so difficult
why? ):
i know God is there i know God has His plans i know God will do wad He says in His way, in His time
i know God's plans are to prosper n not to harm
but sometimes i feel such desperation i feel such loneliness i just feel like shouting and screaming Lord Jesus, where are You? where are You Lord.
im afraid. where are You?
this is just so damn difficult. and you dont understand. you dont see how i hide how i try to be strong you dont see how all i need now is just some assurance
close perhaps almost but still questioning struggling with denial contradicting thoughts
still scared? its so weird my thoughts strangely moving like a pendulum strangely confused
and i feel like im slowing down the pace of my life by quite alot slowly slowly bt its nt tt bad either feels quite good in fact one step at a time living day by day as long as ppl arnd me stay happy and healthy what more can i need
myabe much more bt i think maybe perhaps if i live it day by day i can better see what God wants for me
im nt sure where i am going but i shall just continue walking im nt sure where this will lead me but i shall just continue walking im nt sure where i want to go but i shall just continue walking im nt sure of where exactly i wna be but i shall just continue walking im nt sure if its correct or not but i shall just continue walking im nt sure if i shld just leave my heart behind, but i have decided, i shall just continue walking
walking and walking and walking slowly walking, fast paced walking just walking
im writing a letter to you, which is like writing a letter to myself, to inform/remind/warn you that your exams is in ONE day's time.
your first paper which is HORRBILE PR2101 Dosage Form Design is on Saturday 20th November 2010 MORNING. eh no joke ok. and do you know you have only read through your entire DFD set once? and you're still stuck at PR2104 Pharm Anal, which paper is on 22nd November 2010, which is like not long after your DFD paper, which is why you have to finish your 5 more sets of notes before you can start revising your DFD, which you have to, cuz your DFD paper is like in ONE DAY'S TIME?
and, you are still going for a birthday party tonight because you have to, because your entire comm is going, wth an excuse is that, ughs, and do you know your shampoo and conditioner is all used up and your facial toner is all used up as well, and that you have no time to go and buy, so you shall just let your hair and face cui, which then again, how cui-er can it get?
and do you know you havent been exercising in like err 2 wks? or is it 3? and that you have been spamming food like you've never before, not that you usually arent already spamming food, and how fat do you want to get.
and you still have been actively playing your bejeweled and watching kangxilaile on youtubes at a regular basis? wah you have damn alot of time horh.
and do you know you havent cleaned your room for more than a week already? even though you just washed your bedsheets but you havent cleaned your floor! so clean huh. you think u staying in a pig sty ah.
sighs. and i wonder why am i here wasting time talking to you, when i still have so much to do, so much that i AM LAGGING. and,
